What ifs...

We've been home from the hospital for a week and a half now. Since being home I've had more time to process what happened to us. Lots of time I was shocked when people told me that they read the blog and cried. I didn't cry when I wrote it (well just that one weepy day when I was crying over everything from frysauce to surgery). Or they'd tell us how strong we're being. These comments aways baffled me. I didn't write these blogs with the thought "I MUST be strong and make people cry." No I just wrote what was happening so everyone would be aware and we wouldn't have to keep telling the story over and over...although honestly I love telling his story. Now that I'm home and able to sit and ponder on what we've been through I'm beginning to understand. It hits me at odd times how close we were to losing Lincoln and all the other what ifs that could have happened.
What if...I had gone into labor at my house.
What if..my water broke somewhere other then the hospital.
What if..the doctors hadn't known about Lincoln's heart defect.
What if..the bypass didn't work.
What if..his surgery didn't go as planned.
What if...
What if..
What if..

But then I catch myself looking at Lincoln and marveling at all he's been through. Looking at him today you'd never know he has a scar down most of his chest or that he went though open heart surgery and was put on bypass at the tender age of 8 days old. You'd never guess his little body has already had 13 minutes of CPR while most people live their lives never going through that. You'd never guess anything was wrong with him...other then having a feeding tube he looks perfect. He truly is a miracle.

I was looking at my friends blogs and wondering what I should do for his monthly updates. I caught myself thinking I should be paying more attention to his preferences so I could do a monthly update of all the milestones he has met. I'm ashamed to say it but I was starting to worry since his 1 month mark is coming up quick I didn't have anything noteworthy to say about him. Then I remembered all he'd been through his first few weeks of life and realized that he's a miracle and I have a ton to say about it.

His one month post will be coming shortly. Today is just a ramble post. Now for what everyone has been waiting for...pictures.

We couldn't take him to get professional newborns taken so we did our own. 

Hope you enjoy our first try (of many) at imitation photography. 

In this picture you can see his scar and the two little scars from the chest drains. Also his umbilical cord had just fallen off so don't mind that gross bandaid on there. 

We took these photos on Saturday when his NG tube had fallen off placement. We had to replace it so we thought we'd sneak some pictures in before the tube came back. 

The next big thing for us now is a swallow study tomorrow as well as his cardio follow up. Looks like we'll be spending the day at Primary's again. I have to admit I am super nervous for this swallow study. I took swallowing for granted the first time around. We've been working with Linc twice a day since his last study, hopefully he's ready. I know I am more then ready to start working to lose the NG tube.